![]() ![]() Listen with your face – One of the best ways to show someone you’re really listening to them is to turn and look at them when they are talking to you. Listen to where they’re fearful and where their fearless.Īnd I would add one more thing. A friend of mine says it best. Listen for their hopes as well as their hurts. Listen for other things that are going on in their life that might be worrisome to them. We can focus in on one fact, one detail, or one situation and lose sight of everything else they’re saying. Listen Wider – It’s really easy for us to get “tunnel vision” when talking to our spouse. Why don’t we go grab a bite to eat somewhere and you can tell me about it.” That’s listening deeper. Instead, if you look at the glare in their eyes and listen to the frustration in their voice you might say, “It sounds like it’s been a tough day. There’s really nothing in this house to eat.” If you listen to just the words, you might quickly say, “Well we need to go get groceries.” But that response will either get you the Captain Obvious award or your spouse’s hands around your neck. You turn to your spouse and innocently ask, What are we going to have for dinner?” Your spouse glares at you and says, “I don’t know. Here’s an example of listening deeper…Suppose you and your spouse both get home late one evening. You need to put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself, “What would I be thinking, feeling, needing, etc. The real message is usually deeper than the initial words, so you have to listen deeper. You need to listen to the context of the words. The art of reading between the lines is a life long quest of the wise.” You need to listen to the emotions behind the words. Shannon Alder said, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. ![]() Listen Deeper – You need to listen deeper than just the words being said. 1:19 – “…You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (NLT) Proverbs 18:13 – “Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.” (NLT).We should follow James Patterson’s example in Along Came a Spider… “I never miss a good chance to shut up.”Įven the Bible points out the importance of listening longer: Then set a time the two of you can get together and talk things out at length. If you don’t have as much time as they need, let them know that you really want to listen to them, but that your time is limited.When you think they’ve talked something completely through, try to keep them talking by asking questions like, “How do you feel about that?” “What can you do?” “What are you going to do?” “How can I help?”.Often, if you leave them that space, your spouse will open up even more. When you think they’re done talking, wait. Don’t feel like you have to fill the “dead space” just because they’ve stopped talking.Don’t assume you know what they’re saying and jump in to give a response before they’re finished.People need time to formulate their thoughts and get things out, so you have to be patient as they talk. Here are some ways you can listen longer: Listen Longer – Few of us listen as long as we should. We assume we know what they’re trying to say before they’ve finished saying it.īut learning to really listen to your spouse is one of the most loving things you can do, because it communicates love, respect and support. So here’s a few way you can learn to be a better listener….We work harder at spotting what’s wrong with what they’re saying than spotting what’s right with what they’re saying.We are more concerned with what we have to say than with what they have to say.We do a poor job of listening to our spouse when… Have you ever been in a conversation with your spouse and you zoned out, only to wake up to these words, “Are you listening to me?” Or maybe you were in a heated discussion where you were graciously sharing the benefit of your knowledge with your spouse, only to have them interrupt you and say, “Are you listening to me?” ![]()
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